You will discover a simple truth hidden in plain sight that explains why your spouse negatively reacts to you, and how it differs from why you negatively react to your spouse! Typically, you both see the other as childish when negatively reacting because you wouldn’t react that way! What is that simple truth?
The key to motivating your spouse is meeting your spouse’s deepest felt need during conflict, which differs from your deepest felt need during conflict! Commonly, you both overlook the other’s felt need during conflict because you feel the other ought not to feel that way! What is that deepest need?
In all marriages there are seasons in which one spouse is less responsive to the other for any number of reasons. What can motivate you during that season when your spouse is not motivating you?